November 19, 1950
To whomever it may concern,
Chuck Senior bravely served our Country in our fight against communism in South Korea. We regret to inform you, he passed bravely in service. His body was recovered on November 12, 1950.
We thank him for his service and you for your cooperation. God bless him, he did his country well. We are all very proud. He stands in the unbroken line of patriots who have dared to die.
With Regards,
General Douglas McArthur
*a note attached*
Chuck,
I’m sorry baby. I received this yesterday. It’s time to come home. New York will be waiting when you get back. Use the money for a train ticket. I’ll see you in a couple days. We have a lot to talk about. I love you.
Safe travels,
Mama
*a note left on the kitchen table*
Dear Mama,
I’m not sure how to say this, and I’m real sorry for it. This isn’t how I want to leave you, but this was the only way I knew. It’s for dad. I know I just came home and I’m leaving again, and I’m sorry for that. I know you can take care of yourself. I want to be with you during this time, but this is where I need to be right now. Helping. No one cares about this war much, it’s too overlooked. This isn’t for me, it’s for dad. I love you. I’ll write to you every week. I know you might be mad. But I also know that you’ll understand. Please forgive me.
With love,
Your Little Chuck
(first letter home)
Dear Mama,
I’m sorry I left so suddenly but I have faith that this is right. To honor dad. I believe this is where I’m supposed to be. I miss you, and I miss dad. Sorry I didn’t listen to you. You know I’ve always gone after my desires. New York is a lost dream now. I’ll be back, don’t you worry. Just please have faith in me too. I’m sorry ma. Just know I’m okay.
Much love to you back at home,
Chuck <3
Mom,
Wow, my first letter from Korea. I’ve only been training. I haven’t had troubles finding my way. Maybe it’s a sign that this is the right thing to do. I don’t think that I’m as scared as the others. I have something pushing me forward. Almost, fearless. Just wanted to check in. How are you? The camp is anything I expected. I’m honestly just proud of myself. For once in my life, I’m glad that I’m doing something that Pops would appreciate me for. Lately, I’ve been talking to him at night. He gives me hope and makes me work harder. He’s my inspiration. I can still feel him. I know I’m making him proud.
All my love,
Chuck
Mom,
It’s bad. Real bad. I can’t help but be scared anymore. People are dying, kids are left in the streets. They blow up innocent people’s houses and they have nowhere to go. I just wish I could do more. I understand how easy it was for dad to go. Leaving this awful world wouldn’t be the worst thing. War and death controls everyone’s lives here. No one should live like that. But, they're forced to because of their selfish government. Being here, gives me perspective of the bountiful life I live. I am very grateful for my life and humbled from this experience. We have brave soldiers keeping you safe. Don’t worry Mama. These boys have got my back, and yours. Everyone here is so courageous and wonderful. I know that their fathers are proud too. I’m honored to be in the troop that I am. I trust them so much. We’ve battled hard. The commander says we dare not pass the 38th parallel. They’ll destroy us there. But gosh, I’m scared. They have these disguises, they just wear their normal clothes. Then they’ll pop out wearing uniforms, guns ablazin’. We’re trying to protect the villages. But I can barely tell who is who anymore. I’m doing my best.
Lots of love,
Chuck
Mama,
It’s worse than I thought. It’s all going up in flames. The horizon turned into fire and dust. It’s devastating here. This is their home and it’s being destroyed. I’m not sure who we’re even fighting for anymore. It’s real hot. We’re running out of water quick and it’s just too damn dry. Some of the boys have been sent to the Critical Care Unit. Dehydration. Afraid it’s gonna get me too. Leave me in your prayer’s Mama. Thank you so much for the care package. All my buddies enjoyed it too. Is that a new recipe for the cookies? They’re delightful. Thanks again. I know this is all going to be okay. I still have faith in something. The people thank us for our bravery and service everyday. I know I’m doing right. Even if I don’t really know what it’s for.
With love,
Chuck
2:18 am
Mom,
The forest where we’re hiding our barracks got bombed. My best bud was doing his rounds securing the area. We can’t find him anywhere. They told us to sleep because in the morning we’re going to be packing up, cleaning out, and moving on. It was my shift next. He said he’d cover me if I needed. It’s my fault. It should have been me. I would be happy to join dad. I’ve done my duty and I miss him. God, I miss him so much. All I want is to see him one more time. I gave it to somebody else. My bud, he was supposed to be married when he got back to the States. He’s never going to get married now. She’s gonna be devastated.
I realized that I can’t just leave that easily. I have you to look after. You mean everything to me now Mama. I love you. And I’m coming back for you. One way, or another.
With love,
Chuck
Mama,
You’re the only one I talk to. You’re all that’s left for me. They say we’re supposed to be fighting communism. But at this point, I’m not sure exactly who that’s supposed to be. I understand North Korea is the enemy. But, that’s about it. They have made plans to invade and control land that doesn’t even belong to them. We’re supposed to fight against these ideas of power, rather than the people. They don’t deserve it. They probably don’t even know what they’re fighting for either. I don’t know what’s going on anymore.
Love,
Chuck
October 26, 1951
Dear Mama,
They say the fighting might end soon. Boy, I hope so… I haven’t accomplished anything here. Those feelings I was feeling before are nothing compared to the desolation I see everyday. This is endless. They say the only way to end it is some sort of agreement. They’ve been talking about treaties in Kaesong and Panmunjom, but they’re mostly rumors. We are all confused around here. The conflict needs to end. I just wish there was an easier way. Still thinking about you.
All my love,
Chuck
To Mama,
There was a huge bombing in No Gun Ri. They say we did it. A few hundred refugees from South Korea were killed. I’m not sure what really happened. But they all think the Americans did it. I don’t understand it much, not at all. We’re out here trying to defend our allies against their enemies and they think we hurt them. It’s difficult to believe. I wish this wasn’t necessary for peace. I only hope that we will find a resolution.
With Love,
Chuck
Mama,
What am I even doing here? This isn’t right. We both no I ain’t an Army man. I’ve never been. All my life, I was different. I didn’t dream of this, it wasn’t ever what I wanted. Dad never envisioned this for me. He knew what type of man he was. He fit in real well. He’s done it when he was young and he’s still doing it. He knew where he died and what type of mark he left here. His mark on me. But this isn’t where I leave mine. I’ve got a different path. I’m not ready to leave all I have in Korea. It ain’t where I belong. What I’m tryna say is, I can’t die here. It’s just not meant to end here for me. It ain’t the right place, just don’t belong. So you damn know I’ll be coming home. They won’t let me for a while. But I believe and I trust in time. Luck will find it’s way to me. I ain’t worried at all.
Dad ain’t coming back. He never will. He’s gone now. And I’m real sorry I left too. I should’ve never done that to you. God, I am so sorry. I’ll be back. I know I will. If you’re my last shred of hope, then god, hope for me. Please.
Love,
Chuck
Mama,
I’ve changed. I’m different now and it ain’t all good. I’m tougher. A hell of a lot tougher. I don’t even know where to begin. They tell us, “Where there is no will, there is no way.” They forced me to be heartless. They call them all bitches. To be fairly honest, I can’t disagree anymore. All them god damn yellow’s running around. We don’t belong here with them. We should have stayed home, where we belong. Separated from them. The natural order. We should have let them fight their own war. We should have never gotten involved. This has nothing to do with us. I can’t wait to go home and get away from all those filthy people with their dog breath. My buddies around here influence me a lot. They’ve taught me so much and made me understand the natural order of things like color. I’m very grateful for this and it has allowed me to fit in much better with the crowd.
My love,
Chuck
Mama,
Sorry, I haven’t gotten to a pen in a while now. I’m in the hospital. Been here a while, they say. I don’t remember much. Say I was gone good. Bullet went straight through my abdomen. I was bleedin like a stuck pig. Luckily, another soldier found me and carried me all the way back. Boy, I’m glad I made friends here. Saved my life. It’s just makeshift, the hospital. So they’re talking about sending me home. I couldn’t be more ecstatic. I told you. Don’t worry bout me no more. I’m coming home baby!
Best,
Chuck
WASHINGTON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
Mama,
I’m home.
Mama,
See, I thought this was the end of all this. But, I came back here and realized it ain’t. Mama, I’m fighting something bigger now. It’s the same war, even though I am home. What I’m tryna say is, I ain’t dragging you into this too. I wouldn’t dare. I love you too damn much. Mama, it’s real hard to say. But, I love you. God, I love you. Unfortunately, this is goodbye. I’m sorry, this was never my intention. Oh god, mama, I’m so sorry. Sorry I’m saying goodbye, sorry I let dad go, sorry I hurt those people, sorry I’m so goddamn stupid, sorry I left you, I’m sorry I even went anywhere in the first place. I’m sorry I went to goddamn New York. I deserted you like the little bitch I am. I thought it was easier for me, like I could catch a break and figure things out on my own. I was so selfish. God damn, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. God, just know, I’m sorry mama. I ain’t coming home.
Goodbye,
Chuck