Next year, I want to be myself. I sometimes stray away from my values. I want to be a girl who knows what she is and is comfortable in her own skin. It might be surprising knowing my personality, but I know that at the beginning of the school year I am going to be very shy. Afraid of other kids. Afraid of first impressions. My idea is, if I don't try to meet new people, I won't give myself the chance to make a first impression. Therefore, my first impression can't be bad because i won't make one. Although, maybe I should. I want to succeed in high school. I don't mean in the sense of the popular scale, want to succeed academically. I see people focus on all the wrong things in high school, I want my priorities straight. But that doesn't mean I can't have fun. I am a fun person, and I intend to carry that over into high school. I want to make friends and be a social butterfly. But I want to be a loyal friend. Loyalty needs to come first. That is one of my most important values. I am looking forward to the teachers in high school. I hope they understand me, look me in the eyes, and answer all of my questions. But, I've heard they can also be really good friends. I am nervous about the workload. I can do homework. But I have a bad habit of procrastinating. I need to work on my time management before high school roles around because I know that I will struggle if I don't. Especially with sports, I know I can fall very behind. I'm also nervous about new people and growing up. I still feel like a kid, I act like a kid. But being in high school means that I'm definitely not a kid anymore.i'm afraid of growing up and being mature. Acting like an adult. I just want to be a kid. But I know I have responsibilities and I can't pretend to be a kid. I know I need to grow up, the only problem is that, I don't know how to.
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I haven't been tardy for the past two weeks. I don't want to jinks anything, so I should stay quiet. But, I am using more time management in the morning to get to school on time. I think that I can also carry over these time management skills into class so I can complete more work in class. I want to show my understanding with full explanations and completing the work correctly. I feel like I should show my work ethic by exceeding the expectations like I used to do on the regular. Missing two points on true or false questions on the Unit Post-Test was just a clear lack of effort. Honestly, I'm disappointed in myself. That is not showing the real me or showing the work ethic that I know I am capable of. I used to be able to get all of the points without any problem because I actually cared about my outcome. Lately, I think I haven't been producing at the rate and quality that I am used to working at. I have always excelled in school. But it seems that my teachers don't see that excellence in me that my previous teacher's have complimented, I have been made a leader in many classrooms that I've been in, but it seems that I may not have that same personality anymore because people don't usually see that in me. In my SLC, teachers have been criticizing a lot more than I'm used to. I guess this is just a realization that I should probably step up my game. I still feel like I always work hard because that is just my personality to work hard at everything I try. But maybe my efforts aren't good enough. Sometimes, I just feel helpless. I've noticed that I let myself give up and goof off because that seems so much easier these days. But this helpless feeling is really minimizing my work time and work quality.
I have grown much more dependent in math this year. I have found the reasoning for this is Mr. Derksen's teaching method that he has shared with us to explain why he does what he does. I don't feel the need to ask so many questions because I can answer my own questions. I've also grown to like working alone. I get a lot more work done and it is easy to focus and stay concentrated. I think that I have acquired much more knowledge this year from the pages of notes I keep. I think that I am doing quality work and showing my understanding to the class. I notice myself doing more research to develop deeper understanding for my own benefit.
I'm not going to lie, I have had a tough year. Not a great year, last year wasn't too swell either. I guess it's been bad for a while now. But, I'm not a wallower, even though sometimes I prefer wallowing, I even like wallowing, but nonetheless, wallowing is not an option in my life. My schedule won't allow it. So, I have to put my head up, and just do. Do anything, do whatever I want, I get to choose what I want to do, so my only option left is to just do. I got on this amazing travel ball team over the summer. This allowed new hope in my life. I am so excited about this team because softball means a lot to me and I take it very seriously. I am glad that I have the opportunity to play in Division One Travel Ball, where I belong, and get the opportunity to improve and allow myself to prepare for future opportunities. Softball is an anchor, something I can look forward to. Even if it causes a little more stress than I need, it's (and I sincerely apologize for the disgustingly cheesy thing I am about to say) truly my happy place. This is what I am going to do, this is what I choose and I am happy with my decisions. When life has just given me a little too much for one day, I can go to softball and work even harder. That's the only thing I know to do, the only option left. The harder I work, allows more opportunity to get better and I will feel good about myself because all I want to is to succeed. That's all I have and I can't give it up. I have been privileged with this opportunity and I will certainly not waste it. I want to reinvent myself and I will not fail. This is a new start, I can choose to work harder and be better, and that's what I choose.
This year, I really hope that I can find books that I am really interested in. I know that I can read, but i need some sort of motivation to read. Since school has started, I have found a book that I am actually excited to read, The Duff. I have noticed myself reading in the car, reading before bed, just reading in any free time i have. This is really odd for me because I have never liked reading, it always felt forced and wasn't something I felt happy about or was ever looking forward to. I am happy to say, that I can't even put the book down. I am actually sad because I'm going through the book too fast because I have just been reading all the time. I have been doing less reading so that I can enjoy the book for a longer period of time. But this is very difficult because I just want to read all the time. This is a feeling that I have wanted for a long time, and now I am blessed to have this outlook on reading and I am so excited for the opportunities this attitude towards reading might bring me. Hopefully, I can find more books that I won't be closed-minded about and actually read them, and hopefully really enjoy them. My goal is to enjoy every book I read this year, and feel excited to go home and read. It makes me so happy that I am actually excited about reading and I hope I can keep this outlook for the rest of my life. Although, I do think that in order to keep this outlook, I have to find the right books to read and books that allow me to be excited about reading. Another goal is to find the right books for me. This might be difficult, but if I have to read The Duff again, I don't think I'll be too sad. Considering I love the book and am sad about finishing it because it's such an amazing book. Hopefully, I can find the right books and keep a good roster on my shelf to insure the best reads for me!
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AuthorEva Heinrichs Archives
April 2016
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